You Get What You Pay For

Ahhh online dating.  I'm still trying to figure out when the explosion happened - somewhere between AOL chat rooms circa 1996 and Twitter circa now, the internet became everyone's one-stop shop to find a mate.   Maybe you alienated all your guy friends and their friends with your insecurities or refusal to settle or maybe you live in a town where everyone knows everyone else - whatever the reason, online dating sites can be your best friend or worst enemy. 

I saw a friend's Facebook post earlier saying she was reconsidering Match.com and I tried to intervene as quickly as possible - which got me to thinking - of all the sites out there, what are our best options as single folk?  So I've decided to grade them all (and by ALL of course I just mean the ones I've tried).

Craigslist - (F) - Yes, I tried meeting people off CL - no it wasn't in the casual encounters section either.  I gave it a gander when I was unemployed and couldn't justify spending money for Match or E-Harmony.  So, I took a chance.  I went on one date with a guy who was a bit older than me and had a child from a previous relationship.  We hit it off well enough but as we were saying goodbye he realized he left he debit card at the bar (at least he PAID) and ran off to get it, leaving me baffled on Clark St.  He did text to apologize and we set up another date, however a week or so later he changed his relationship status on Facebook to "In a Relationship With (Skanky McHoebag).   They are now engaged.  

My one other date came a while later - I made the mistake of suggesting we meet at Sedgwick's, a Villanova bar, during a Villanova game, and while I barely paid attention to a word he said, he rehashed his recent trip to Costa Rica where he mentioned (several times) hot tub activities I'd rather not repeat.  Fail.  Massive Fail.

Plenty of Fish - (F) - I tried POF when I lived in San Diego.  As I was working all the time, I was only hanging out with guys from work and there was enough drama in that place to rival Days of Our Lives so I decided to look outside of the company for a date.  My friend's roommate recommend POF, so off I went, into the jaws of the unknown (it was my first time using a free site, so I feared the worst).  I met and talked to this guy who seemed normal at FIRST, but then I started to have my doubts.  This was back in the day when AOL IM was like THE THING, and we would chat at night sometimes when I got home from work - he had an amazing talent for making jokes completely irrelevant to the conversation we were having so I would never know how to respond.  

Example:


Me: I have to work at Baby Gap on Saturday
Him: LOL I LOVE Nascar bibs LMAO


Um...what?

Eventually I relented to meeting him and forced my good friend Katie and her boyfriend Brian to double-date with us.  It turned out his IRL appearance was so far off what he posted online that it took me a good five minutes to figure out if it was actually him or not.  Also, he was wearing brown pants with black shoes.  No wait.  Maybe it was the other way around.  Anyway, he was so creepy I could not get rid of him fast enough but he continued to email me for almost two years. Yikes.

Match.com - (C) -  I think out of all the sites out there, I have tried (and failed) the most with Match.com.  There was the guy who never gave me his number so when I got lost and showed up to our date 20 minutes late I already had a huge deficit - by far the cutest, most normal guy I'd ever met online and he wanted nothing to do with me post-date.  Then there was the dude who was so sweet but we had no spark, but I keep seeing him because I figured why not, the one who I am pretty sure was gay, the one who was too immature, Hollywood Kisser, Lawyer Man who I would have loved to see again but wanted nothing to do with me (common theme I suppose). I mean, it never ends.  And the most recent time I tried it, no one showed interest in me at all.  Which brings me to...

OKCupid - (D) -  I either go on dates where I'm forced to split a $29 check or I receive messages such as this gem (spelling and grammatical errors are their own): 

Subject Line: Free Pie

Alright seriously...there is no pie but I thought this would help you open and this maybe chat with me later. Who knows we could get real pie in the future, or if you don't like pie maybe ice cream. Either way you're now thinking about sweets and will remember this message and either message me back from the sheer awesomeness of this note, or you you will blame me for massive weight gain from eating awesome sweets because this note was awesome. so I might be awesome and you're proabably awesome especially if you message me back I hope to hear from you soon 

Or this:

I just wanted to take this time and say hi and I would like the chance to get to know you better, if you're cool with doing so?

Take good care and I hope to hear back from you when the time allows for you to respond back to my inquiry. All my best to you.

Or my ABSOLUTE favorite (from a guy who had previously emailed but I had not responded to because he was 40+ and lives in Michigan:)

Just give it a chance. You've got nothing to lose. It's not like we are going to get married right away. Maybe you might appreciate a mature guy for a change. I certian know how to treat a lady and you my friend, are a lady in a half. Beautiful..... Listen to me.... You are beautiful.... 

E-Harmony - (D) - In E-Harmony's defense, I joined when I really wasn't as serious about dating as you should be when you join E-Harmony.  After going through the 768 steps of communication, I found myself at brunch with someone much older and shorter than his profile and picture indicated.  Five minutes after the date was over he texted me to ask if I felt any chemistry.  Then the next day if I wanted to continue dating and what I thought about "us" - okay that's just a little fast for me.

I'm sure all of these sites have worked better for people who aren't so inept but if anyone wanted my two cents - there it is.