Games

Games –

The other day, I was talking to my friend about the dating games we play.  She didn’t want to call a guy she’s been seeing because she didn’t want to seem too eager – I told her that if she wanted to call him, she should call him, which launched a lively discussion about games. (P.S. we compromised on a text.  It worked out.  That is all.)

Here’s the thing:  I’ve been playing these so-called games since I was 13 and someone told me you have to act like you don’t like a boy if you want him to like you back (oh, so stalking doesn’t work?  Noted.)  It was okay to be bad at this crap when I was 13.  But now...
Sixteen (yikes), I repeat 16-years later this is still a game I’m losing.  Not only am I losing, I don’t even know the rules.  It’s like Monopoly, Chutes & Ladders, Twister and SORRY!  all combined into one festive clusterfuck.

How so, you ask?  Great question.  In Monopoly you can own lots of property but just as easily wind up bankrupt.  Same with dating – you can be playing the field and end up with no one.  Like you decide to buy the shitty properties (hello Baltic Ave) just so you’ll have SOMETHING but wind up wishing you waited until Boardwark or Park Place were available, but now they’re dating the leggy blonde they met on their softball team who can actually hit while you just look stupid.

Now you’ve just wasted all this time dating other people trying not to look too eager while some opportunistic poor man’s Tori Spelling swooped in and took what was rightfully yours.  But since you were all, “let me date other people so he’ll know I’m interested” it backfired right into your living room on a Friday night where you’re drinking wine and watching the Golden Girls alone.

You also have to deal with the ups and downs of dating, just like the ups and downs of Chutes & Ladders.  One minute you’re flying high and the next thing you know, you’re right back where you started (or maybe you truly never left but were getting enough on the side not to notice).  One week you can have three dates but then the next year brings you zero (not that I’m referring to myself here – just so we’re clear).

You have to deal with arbitrary luck, just like in Sorry! (or Twister) where the draw of a card or spin of a wheel can set you back in the game or force you into a position that even weeks of yoga couldn’t prepare you for.  Sometimes it’s just being in the right place at the right time.  Sometimes, you’re in the right place at the right time and still screw it up.  Sometimes it’s so blatantly obviously right there in front of you that you screw it up because you’re so used to playing games that when it’s handed to you on a silver platter you turn it into a game and lose.

At what point does our not wanting to appear overeager translate to disinterest?  You can think you’re playing it cool when really you’ve alienated people from asking you out because they think you want nothing to do with them (awesome if that’s actually the case!!).  At what point does you going after what you want become stalkerish or crazy?  How many times has someone told you to “play it cool” and you wound up playing with yourself?

Why do we still have to play these games when we’re almost 20-10?  I mean, it’s one thing to play games when you’re eighteen, but quite another when you’re trying to have an adult relationship but the honesty ship has sailed.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not calling all of us liars.  I’m just asking why we can’t be more honest about our emotions with ourselves and others.  How hard is it to tell someone you like them (kind of hard, I know, I’m guilty of it too).  How hard is it to say, “thanks but no thanks?”  Okay, that actually IS hard and I’ve resorted to basically dropping off the planet to avoid having to say that, a move that tripped the karma alarm and it’s been blaring in my ear ever since.  Thanks, I get it.  And why, if we do tell someone we're interested, is it considered a bad thing?  It's not like you hunted down their email address off their company's web site to email them this at work.  Oh, you did?  My bad.

Where was I?  Oh yes.  Honesty.  The games we play have become so drawn out and the rules so convoluted that my new (and only) rule is this:  if you try to play games with me, you’ll be playing by yourself.  Or with yourself.  Which preposition is more appropriate?  Did I really just ask that?  Is this the reason I’m single?


I guess if I'm going to be single either way, I'd at least like to know I did all I could rather than being involved in a game I didn't even want to play in the first place, or know the rules to, and therefore wound up losing by default.

Transformers

Transformers 3 is apparently filming downtown.  I haven't seen the first two movies so I don't really care that much but it's definitely cool to live in a city where so many movies are filmed, such as the following gems:

While You Were Sleeping - Sarah and I like to watch the movie to point out the geographical inaccuracies and I think our main mission in life is to figure out where Sandra Bullock's apartment was (we think Logan Square).

My Best Friend's Wedding - I watched this movie w/a group of people including my friend Ryan, who I had just told I wanted to date.  We watched the movie, then he was all, "just want to be friends, sorry."  Yeah, not the movie to watch when you're apparently in the same situation.  Oh 1998, you make me laugh.

Home Alone - If you can't watch this movie and get into the Christmas spirit, something is wrong with you.  Okay fine, so it was filmed in the burbs, but it is still Chicago-area.  Unlike...

Adventures in Babysitting - Which was supposed to take place in Chicago but the majority of which was filmed in Toronto, including the epic scene at the Silver Dollar Room, where they get on stage and sing the Babysitting Blues.  I feel deceived.

The Fugitive - One of my all time favorite movies - every time it is on TBS or whatever, I watch it.

Last but not least:


Ferris Bueller's Day Off - Apparently, anyone who doesn't love this movie is a communist.

Anywhere You Go...

This past weekend was great - we celebrated Courtney's birthday at Southern.  We had a cabana on the rooftop deck, which was very nice in spite of the torrential downpour going on outside.  Southern also has amazing food.  I had the mac & cheese (they use Gouda!!  I couldn't help myself), which was delicious but probably broke my "in order to be less of a fat ass I should stop eating 7lbs of pasta per day" rule.  Also, at some point we ordered a vat of Kentucky Lemonade, which honestly tasted like straight whiskey.  But that's fine.  It was a great evening overall.

On Sunday evening, we ventured over to the Burger Fest in Roscoe Village to see the Gin Blossoms.  Can we discuss this briefly?  In the 90s they were this really hot band and had a song on a movie soundtrack that everyone was obsessed with and now they're playing at Roscoe Village Burger Fest?  Oh how the mighty have fallen.  They opened with "Follow You Down," which is my personal favorite and only got to play 5-6 tunes because it was lightening outside and the stage was unsafe.  Sad.

After everyone trickled home, John and I wound up playing darts at Mulligans for a while.  I actually almost beat him too - we had to institute some sort of tie breaker - which means that yes, I actually hit all the numbers AND the bulls-eye, though I am sure that was the blind luck of me chucking the darts at the board and hoping they stuck rather than actual skill.  But that's fine.  Who knew I could play darts?  Certainly not me!

Jezebel's Worst Pickup Line Contest - Rated R

Jezebel, one of my favorite sites, is having a Worst Pickup Line contest.  The prize for those who don't live in NYC is some sort of DVD I'm not really interested in.  But I did want to enter because I have such a great story and why not share it with others?  So, below is what I submitted - enjoy, my lovelies!

My best story occurred the summer after I graduated from college. I was working at a video store to kill time until I got an actual job. The store had a "back room" if you catch my drift, and one day when my (male) manager and I were working alone, a male customer came in (during the day, if it matters) and ventured into said back room.

Now, being 22 and still fairly innocent, I was always rather nervous ringing up transactions for adult videos, so when he came to the counter with a DVD entitled "No Cum Dodging Allowed" this was certainly no exception. My previous method to combat said nervous feeling was to make small talk ("great weather today, how was your 4th of July, did you see the new Will Smith movie?") because USUALLY when renting from the back room, other customers would throw other mainstream movies into the mix.

But not my friend this day. We'll call him Will. Will was only renting this one DVD. And of course while making normal small talk w/him, I made a mistake on the transaction and had to call my manager over to come fix it.

After he fixes the error and I resume the transaction and Will says to me, "Just so you know, the next time you make a mistake like that you're going to get spanked." I thought he was a) kidding and b) talking about my manager because he was the one who had to fix the error. So I responded by pointing to my manager and saying, "who him? Naah, he's harmless." Will then says, "no, I was talking about me."

It was at this point that I became so mortified that I had no idea how to respond and merely (half) laughed and just said "oh."

Will then asked for my number. I was so embarrassed and wanted to get him out of the store as quickly as possible, so like a dumbass I GAVE it to him. So color me surprised when three days later he actually called me. Come to think of it, his name actually WAS Will. Anyway. I didn't call him back and thought that would be the end of it.

But it wasn't.

That Sunday, when I was working alone, he COMES INTO THE STORE, sneaks up behind me and was all, "hey there, you never called me back."

I literally had nowhere to run so just said, "yeah, sorry, you really embarrassed me so I can't go out with you."

He said he understood, ventured into the back room, rented another porn, and left.

So, there you have it friends.  I can't make this stuff up!

Hotlanta

I spent my third consecutive 4th of July in Atlanta this year, visiting Katie and enjoying some much needed pool time.  This year was different, however, as I decided to run the Peachtree Road Race rather than just spectate.  So, running a 10k in 80-degree heat in too-tight cotton shorts while hungover, out-of-shape, and nauseous is basically the worst idea ever, in case you were wondering.  But I finished.  So I guess that's all that matters.   And three-days too late I finally ordered my desperately needed new running shoes.  So there's that. 

We had fun as usual.  I got to know some of Katie's friends a bit better and also since she is the only person who shares my obsession for Vincent A. Larusso (Google him if you don't know who he is) we watched D2 last night. 

The night before the race, Katie & Sarah wanted to watch 7 Brides for 7 Brothers, which I've never seen, and incidentially still haven't as I fell asleep about ten minutes in.  I don't have a taste for old movies but should probably develop one - like I've seen Casablanca once and was like whateves, not for me. 

But watching D2 got me thinking about the life lessons you can glean from this Disney gem (because I'm all about the life lessons.  Disclaimer: not to be taken seriously):

1) It's all about money until a ninth grader brings you back down to earth: Gordon Bombay (what a horrible name, P.S.) agrees to coach Team USA for the junior Goodwill games only to be given a huge salary, house in Malibu and tons of press time and endorsements.  Ignoring the fact that none of this would ever happen in reality, old Gordo doesn't come back down to earth until Iceland crushes his team and he once again has an epiphany thanks to Jan and Charlie feeding him some self-righteous bullshit about how hockey shouldn't be all about winning, even though it ends up being all about winning.

2) Recycling old story lines is easy and preferred:  We as humans are all about routine.  I didn't realize how much I appreciated my routine until I didn't have one.  So basically D2 is the original Might Ducks on hormones: take a team that needs to overcome physical and mental obstacles to beat a superior one that would probably beat them 9 times out of 10 (think 18-1 Patriots vs. Giants) but because the inferior team can use Jedi Mind Tricks, they win.

3) Being cocky is never the answer:  Admit it: you love seeing cocky athletes get knocked off their high horses (applies to people in general too, not just athletes) and if you know me you know I throw a party every time Roger Federer loses.  And I'm sure it does your body good when Duke loses - admit it, a little part of you enjoys that Coach K and Dick Vitale are crying in a dark corner together somewhere in the Raleigh-Durham area.  D2 thrives on this: Team USA is cocky until they can't be and then they turn the tables on Iceland.

4) The hottest men on the planet are from Iceland (unless they're from Latvia):  Props to the casting crew for making the villainous Icelanders massive eye-candy.   So even though they bullied those poor Ducks, they were nice to look at.

5) I guess in the end, everything turns out okay - As cheesy as it sounds, Disney got one thing right: life always goes on.

fail

This project is a giant failure!!  My life isn't interesting enough to write about every day.  But, the past few months I have been thinking about regret. 

One of my favorite quotes (that I discovered in college when debating whether or not to transfer) is: "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable."  It is credited to someone named Sydney Harris, who I have never heard of (but according to Wikipedia, the authority figure in everything, was a journalist).


The problem with this is that no matter what you do, follow this advice or don't, you'll still have something to regret.  Examples:


1) I transferred colleges my junior year and my first semester at U of I was one of the hardest of my life, leaving me to wonder, "what if I hadn't left Miami."  But if I hadn't left Miami, I would always wonder what would have happened if I did.


2) Upon graduating college, I had no job and had enough money to go anywhere (granted I got a job).  I seriously considered moving to Miami, but was too scared, so stayed in NH.  So, I didn't take the financial risk of moving somewhere without a job, but now I'll never know what would have happened if I had.


So, while this quote is inspiring after you took a risk and did something stupid, does it ever really help you??